


Are you still watching?

by carmelfringe



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, F/M, First Dates, First Meetings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Modern Bucky Barnes, Modern Steve Rogers, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Steve Rogers, Pining, Steve Rogers Feels, give my boy some love, it's just grinch steve pining, some b99 references, steve has a desk job and bucky is badass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:14:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmelfringe/pseuds/carmelfringe
Summary: Steve's riding the subway (tired as hell) and a stranger next to him is watching Brooklyn 99 on Netflix on his headphones. Steve stares a little too long. The stranger turns the captions on. Pining occurs.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 74
Kudos: 557





	1. The crush

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a tweet about a situation like this and got inspired :)

“Sharon. I love you but for the last time. I _don’t_ wanna go on another blind date.”

To say Steve was _just tired_ would be a big understatement. He was just so done with everything. Work after-hours were making him lose his mind, he was so hungry he salivated at the thought of a piece of lettuce and his recent three completely disastrous blind dates made him stop believing in love.

 _Oh my God really?_ _You work for S.H.I.E.L.D? Must earn what, a million per month? Haha!_ Kelsey, or was her name Kate?, laughed while twirling her spaghetti on a fork and pouring herself yet another glass of wine. Steve’s smile was the type of smile you have when you pass a stranger on the sidewalk. No, he wishes he earned even a tenth of that wage with all his work. Kelsey you don’t know shit. _So you’re taking me to that picnic now or what?_

 _Sorry, sorry dude._ That was Brian, the freelance artist. _My homie had some troubles getting home. Okay yes, I meant myself not my homie and by “some troubles” I meant I forgot my address because I was high as a kite and can you lend me 20 bucks? Haha no dude I swear imma pay you back!_

The third date wasn’t that bad. Steve and Alice just didn’t click.

“Really? Maybe four times the charm!” said Sharon but even her usually cheery voice sounded tired and worn out. His after-hours work buddy seemed to be just as done as he was. Sharon filled her mug once again with coffee and looked at Steve.

“Isn’t that three? In that saying? Three times the charm?” Sharon shrugged. “Anyway. I think I’m gonna take a short break from dating. Can’t force love now can you?” And with that, 11:30 pm sharp, Steve left S.H.I.E.L.D’s headquarters and headed to the subway.

The subway was absolutely packed, not that he was surprised. It was a Friday night in New York City after all. People were either on their way to clubs oron their way home, tired as hell and ready to head to bed. Steve sighed. No sitting places. He stood by the door and hoped he wouldn’t fall asleep standing.

He looked at the people around him, a habit he developed because of his love for drawing and details. Some were chatting, some were listening to music, reading books, watching Netflix. Wait, was that the new _Brooklyn 99_ season?Shit, he absolutely forgot about it.

The guy was sitting right next to where he was standing. Yeah, it was _Brooklyn 99_. You just can’t not recognize Jake Peralta’s face. Steve absolutely loved the show and it seemed like the guy enjoyed it too. He only noticed he had been staring at the guy’s screen for longer than was considered a short glance when the guy paused the episode, turned the captions on and resumed it. Steve flushed head to toe, embarrassed at having been caught but grateful nonetheless. The guy didn’t even look at him as they watched _Brooklyn 99_ together, too caught up in the series.

They were about to find out who won t _he Annual Halloween Heist_ when the guy abruptly looked up from the phone, put it in his pocket and with a very apologetic (albeit a very beautiful) smile exited the subway. _Seventh Avenue._ Three stops before Steve.

Steve only saw his face for a total of two seconds but it was definitely enough to get him wishing he’d see the man once again.

⭐︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎

“Maybe write something on SpottedNYC? That page has like a million likes on Facebook.”

Steve scoffed. “Like a shy thirteen year old middle schooler who blushes when someone pretty looks at them for half a second?”

Sharon studied him in amusement. “Correct me if I’m wrong, pal, but… isn’t that exactly what you did?” She took a sip of her coffee before continuing. “Youblushed, the guy looked at you for two whole seconds and you just stood there like a statue, not uttering a single word?”

Steve’s mouth opened and closed at least three times before he mumbled “That… did happen.”

Sharon smirked. _The nerve._ “So what, you’re trying to say you have a better plan?” She placed her mug on the small counter they had in the lounge and leaned against it, looking at Steve expectantly.

He looked so defeated. Like someone who almost finished the whole puzzle only to find out one piece was missing.

“I do not. I guess I’ll just hope for the best and pray he ends up on the same subway at the same time as me.” Saying it out loud, he realized just how unlikely that scenario was. Out of over eight million people living in New York City, out of every subway line, every wagon, every hour. He cringed at how delusional he sounded. “Shaaaron…”

She patted his back and smiled at him with empathy. “Steve. You know you look like the literal embodiment of the sad cowboy hat emoji right now?”

She laughed at his confused stare after he asked “Is that something I’m supposed to understand?”

“No, I suppose not. You’re old, after all.” She teased, which earned her a swat on the arm and a glare.

“Hey! Respect your elders, ma’am.” Steve turned to leave the room and head back to his cubicle. “Besides,” he said over his shoulder “Thirty-two is not _that_ old.”

︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎

The smile the brunette gave him was sultry, his eyes so dark you could barely see his sky blue irises. He mumbled right into his ear, voice low and husky “What’s a pretty boy like you doing here alone? I can be your company, sexy.” He took his had in his, led him out of the building and mere seconds later Steve’s back was right against the brick wall. Their eyes locked, Steve felt something magnetic push him towards the brunette. He opened his mouth to say something but the sound that came out was exactly the same as the sound of the alarm clock Steve had the displeasure of hearing every morning at 6:30.

_Shit._

He opened his eyes, looked around confused and it took him long two minutes to realize he had to get up if he wanted to pay his rent instead of getting evicted.

Dreaming about a guy whose face he saw for only a second? A whole new level of pathetic Steve wasn’t proud of reaching. He never believed in love at first sight. But what he did believe in was that you can feel a strange, unexplainable pull towards someone you don’t know and develop this weird infatuation basedon nothing concrete. The guy was nice, yeah, but Steve didn’t know anything about him. His name, his age, what he did for a living. Nothing. And yet here he was, dreaming about his face and wishing he’d see it again sometime.

It wasn’t that he was lonely. He had many close friends who were like family to him. He loved them with everything he had. But when he looked at Natasha and Clint and saw the way his face light up at her mentioning their last date fail, or when he saw Tony pulling out his lunch that had a little note with _Have a great day!☺︎-P._ written on it, he’d be lying if he said that didn’t make him a little sad. He was happy fir his friends, obviously. But damn, did he wish he had what they have. Someone to hold hands with, someone to kiss goodnight, someone to buy flowers for, someone who’ll look at him exactly in the way Clint looked atNatasha. Someone he loved and who loved him just as much in return.

⭐︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎

“Steve, for the last time. I won’t do that.” Natasha fixed him with a stern look. 

“Listen… I know I’m not asking for much. Why can’t you do it?”

Was Steve slowly getting more and more pathetic and desperate? Maybe. But did he want to go to the S.H.I.E.L.D annual Christmas party? Never in a million fucking years. Listening to field agents boast about their interesting and just _so cool_ job while he was not-so-discreetly sipping on his 4th mulled wine of the evening thinking _Yes, I know you busted your third drug cartel this year. I’m the one doing the paper work your missions require. And yes, I am just a tiny bit jealous. Shut up please._

“Because I want what’s best for you. And going there would help you make some new friends and… who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone cute. ” She smirked and took a sip of her black coffee.

Steve tried his best not to look annoyed but he had a feeling he was failing miserably. 

“Nat. I already have friends. Plus, I went to this party last year, I know what I’ll be missing if I don’t go this year — afew hours of my field agent co-workers reminding me how boring my desk job is and me noticing how lonely and boyfriend-less I am. No thank you!”

“I am one of your field agent co-workers!”

“Okayand?”

“Steve…” Her voice was softer now, almost like she was talking to a child who just lost his favorite crayon. “I can’t fake a family emergency just so you can have an excuse not to go. I _want_ you to go there. I think it’ll do you good and help get some things off your mind.” She turned the kettle on and grabbed a big,red mug with an almost-faded reindeer on it. “Besides, telling everyone how I needed you to watch my kids because my supposed babysitter bailed on me last minute? Are you aware people know I don’t even have any pets, let alone a child?” The kettle started whistling. Natasha grabbed a teabag and filled the reindeer mug with hot, forest fruit tea. Steve took the mug from her with a quiet “Thanks.”

“Okay, maybe I didn’t really think this plan through. But I still have some time to improve it!”

“Steve. You’re going to this party with. I’ve never had a chance to go on one before, come on! Besides…”

There it was. _The glint_ in her eyes that said she definitely had something in mind.

“Besides what?”

“That J.B. Barnes guy whose missions always leave you with a shit-ton of paperwork but you never complain because you’re just so impressed?”

“The hotshot new agent you and Sharon and basically everyone keep talking about?”Steve _had to_ ask.

“The one only Nick Fury himself knows how he looks like?”

“Nat please tell me where you’re getting with this, I can’t stand the suspense.”

“Well… what if I told you he’s going to be there?”

Now that caught his attention, he wasn’t gonna lie. Barnes was one of their newest agents and yet his achievements could most likely secure him a spot in S.H.I.E.L.D’s Hall of Fame. Best sniper they had — outshot Ethan who’s held that title for six consecutive years, fastest cartel bust, killed the head of Hydra after working for S.H.I.E.L.D for six months. Basically: J.B. Barnes was definitely someone all newbies looked up to and all non-newbies wished to be even though the guy was only twenty-nine. There wasn’t a person in their organization that hadn’t heard of him and yet no one but Nick Fury himself knew how the guy looked like. Safe to say the hype his whole persona carriedwas unreal.

“You’re shitting me. How do you know?”

She smirked once again and said in a sing-song voice “I have my sources!”

He threw his hands in the air with a “Oh come on!” and Nat laughed.

“Okay… You know Maria Hill, Nick Fury’s right hand?”

“The intimidating one that makes the whole floor go silent two seconds after she clears her throat?”

“Yes, her. She’s friends with Sam, another one of our field agents who’s friends with Bruce who works in forensics who —” she paused to take a breath “— goes on Thursday Beer nights with Clint. And obviously Clint couldn’t keep his mouth shut, you know him. So he told me and now I’m telling you.”

By the time she finished Steve already had a look of excitement he couldn’t hold in much longer and, judging by the glint in Nat’s eyes, she wasn’t any less delighted.

“So. Maria Hill-based rumors. Real shit”

She nodded. “Real shit.”

“Okay, no need to convince me further.”

“I knew I had you at Barnes!”

⭐︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎

The thing about Christmas parties is that if you’re feeling lonely, they always tend to make you feel even lonelier than you thought was possible. You see people kissingunder the mistletoe and wonder _When will this finally happen to me?_ And then you keep thinking about your 5th grade crush, your high school crush or that one guy you locked eyes with in the subway. Or that one guy who let you watch _Brooklyn 99_ on the subway with him. Okay, maybe it was just Steve.

He looked at Natasha and Clint kissing under that stupid ugly green thing hanging in the doorway. He snapped a quick picture of them nonetheless. Yeah, maybe Steve Rogers was like that one aunt who drinks whiskey at every family meeting and gives monologues about how love doesn’t exist because she’s pushing fifty and even her cat’s love life is richer than hers during the Christmas season but he loved his friends and thought that picture was gonna look pretty damn cute plastered on Nat’s fridge.

“Steve…isn’t that your second mulled wine? You’ve been here what, twenty minutes?” Sharon said from behind him.

He turned to face her. “Your point, love?” And took another sip. “Mmm… delicious. The orange is the perfect addiction to the wine, it completes the taste. Much like Christmas is the perfect addiction to my loneliness. Yum!”

“Ugh. Shoulda given you that stupid Grinch mask we found at Walmart last week.”

Steve sighed. “Yeah, probably. Sorry, I’ll try to be more cheery.”

Sharon grabbed a home baked gingerbread cookie Sam brought to the party. “Anyway, any news on the cute subway guy? The Netflix one?”

“Sharon are you trying to make me feel like shit on purpose after I’ve just said I’d try to be more cheery?”

“… No? I just thought maybe a Christmas miracle happened and his number magically ended up in your phone?” She smiled sheepishly.

“If that ever happened I’d be having a hallmark movie marathon the whole weekend and singing Jingle Bells every time I came into the office.”

“Would search the whole city myself if it meant you’d have to watch those movies for hours. You _hate_ them.”

“See how desperate I am?”

Sharon look at him with mock-sympathy and caressed his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, sweets. I do get it now.”

Steve was about to answer when a deep voice caught the attention of everyone in the room.

“Thank you everyone for choosing to spend your evening with your S.H.I.E.L.D family.” Steve snorted and Sharon punched him in the arm. Nick continued uninterrupted. “I know working for us is not always an easy job, the risks you face when you go on missions—” Steve snorted once again and this time Sharon fixed him with a glare. “— the tons of paperwork, the long hours of work. You know the drill. So, thank you all, without you there would be no S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Steve leaned in and whispered into Sharon’s ear “You think J.B. Barnes is somewhere here in the crowd?”

“Ugh, I wish I knew! You said Nat told you he’ll be there, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Let’s hope she’s right then.”

Nick Fury interrupted their chat once again. “I would also like to thank our newestadditions to the S.H.I.E.L.D family.” He sent a small smile to a group of people on his left.

“Oh my God.”

“Oh my God.” Sharon agreed.

“You think-”

“And I know at least ninety percent of you here are wondering who the mystery J.B. Barnes guy is.” The crowd started whispering excitedly. “Yeah, yeah. I know how you all lose sleep because of him. The word travels fast, ya know?”

Steve was certain he was way more excited for that reveal than he was when his middle school crush Ashley asked him out. And that was _huge_.

“Kinda sucks that he ain’t there, doesn’t it?” Nick Fury the biggest asshole on earth laughed.

Everyone groaned. Steve probably the loudest. “Oh you gotta be shitting me.”

“Okay, okay, I’m just messing with you. James, come on in. Go show yourself to your devoted fans.” Nick Fury the loveliest person on earth said in his sweet like honey voice.

“James is such a pretty name, I just know he’s hot.” Sharon whispered into his ear and Steve grinned. He took a sip of his wine.

And then nearly choked.

The thing was, Steve had never believed in Christmas miracles. That season was never really his favorite, not when he had no family to celebrate it with and always felt like he was in a way imposing Sharon’s holidays whenever he spent them with her and her family (even though she repeatedly told him every year that he’s always very welcome there, her family absolutelyadored Steve). He looked at happy couples and felt lonely. He tried datinga few different people but his dates just never worked out in the end. So yeah, he had every right to be cynical and generally a real pain in the ass during theChristmas season.

But just… what were the chances of the beautiful man from the subway also being the guy whose work he’d admired for a long time and (most probably) developed a small crush on? Tiny. Those chances were tiny. And yet, that’s exactly what happened.

“Damn,dude are you okay?” Sharon patted him between the shoulder blades as he kept coughing up the wine that did in fact accidentally end up in his windpipe instead of esophagus.

“He-”

“Yeah, I know. Beautiful. He’s beautiful.”

“No that’s—”He coughed some more. “I mean yeah, you’re right but…Sharon, oh my God.”

“What?”

Steve still couldn’t believe it when he said those words out loud. “He’s the subway guy.” Thesmile was now permanent on his face.

“The _Brooklyn 99_ one?! You’re kidding.”

Steve laughed, a little dazed. “Am not. Fuck, it’s really him. I could recognize that smile everywhere.” He then looked at James who was smiling at Nick and talking to Maria and… Natasha?!

“Well, go talk to him!” She pushed him into James’ direction but Steve stood still.

“I can’t!”

“Are you… intimidated by him?”

Steve looked at heras if she’d just grown a second head.“Um yes? Are you not?”

“Point taken. I am. It’s like meeting your favorite celeb. Fuck, would it be weird if I asked him for a picture?”

“Sharon.”

“Okay, you’re right.” She grabbed Steve’s wine from his hand and chugged the rest of it in one go. Impressive. “But you totally should go. I mean, he’s the same kind guy who let you, a complete stranger, watch a comedy show with him on his very own phone. He can’t be scary.”

“Yes he can. Scarily beautiful.”

Out of many things they already knew about James Barnes, the one they didn’t was that, in order to be that successful in his field, he had to be stealthy and able to blend in. So when Steve reached for his third wine of the evening he was pretty thrown off by a deep, husky voice saying “Gina won, by the way. I really hope you watched that episode. If not, kinda awkward ’cause I’ve just spoiled it for you. Whoops.”

Steve, thrown off and suddenly very _very_ flustered, jumped a little and looked at the source of the voice. There stood James Barnes himself, or: the Beautiful Subway Netflix Man. Steve was still truing to wrap his head around it.

“I….” He scratched his neck, felt the blush slowly creeping up his face, hisneck, goddamn why did he always blush with his whole body? “I have. Last week. No worries.” He laughed and James smiled.

He stuck his hand out. “James Barnes. But call me Bucky, please. James sounds too formal and I ain’t about that.”

Steve shook it while saying “Steve Rogers.” with as much confidence as he could muster.

“Ooh! So _you’re_ Steve!” James —Bucky, exclaimed all excited.

“You’ve heard about me?” _Ohmygod calm down Steve please just calm down_

“Obviously. Nick always says _Damn, I wonder if Steve’s ever gonna whoop your ass for all the paperwork you’re putting him through._ ”

Steve laughed. “Oh, I wouldn’t dare, believe me.”

“Ya ain’t scared of me, are you Stevie?” Bucky sent him a wink and Steve’s blush only deepened. He knew Bucky must had seen it, his face was quite literally as read as a tomato. But he tried his best to carry on with their conversation. Hopefully Bucky found that endearing and, if his grin was any indication, he did. So Steve looked him in the eyes as he answered.

“Maybe a little. But hey, you can’t blame me, S.H.I.E.L.D’s golden boy!”

The way Bucky’s cheeks turned slightly rosy was something Steve would probably sketch for the next fifteen years to come.

“I should totally pay you back for all the paperwork tho.”

Steve leaned in a little closer. God, up close Bucky was even more beautiful. His eyes sky blue, sparkling with mirth. Light freckles covering his nose. So pretty. Steve’s felt his heart skip a beat.

“What are you suggesting?”

Nat walked past them, sent Steve a wink and, turning to Bucky, stage-whispered “Возьми его, тигр!*”

Bucky ducked his head, blushing. “Я пытаюсь!**” He smiled at Steve. “Brooklyn 99 and chill? My place?”His hand softly caressed the blonde’s arm.

“It’s a date.”

Maybe Christmas wasn’t that bad after all.

\-----

*Я пытаюсь! - Go gethim, tiger!

**Я пытаюсь! - I’m trying!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If the Russian I used here is incorrect - blame google translate! Maybe I'll write a second part to this? hMM...


	2. The loverboy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations are at the bottom of the chapter, happy reading!

“James...”

“Bucky.”

“Bucky. Sorry, it’s just that Bucky seems like the name for a warm plush teddy bear, not someone capable of taking down Hydra’s best agent within five minutes.”

“What can I say? This teddy can fight!”

They were leaving the DC in S.H.I.E.L.D’s Quinjet. It was quite cold outside, too cold even for the typical early January weather. The adrenaline from the fight has finally left him and he started shiver. Nat handed him a blanket.

“Вот, пожалуйста, медвежонок.”

“Спасибо.” Bucky sent her a small smile and wrapped himself up like a burrito. _So warm._

“Anyway...” Nat turned her body towards Bucky. “I just wanted to say that now I get why everyone back at the bureau is so obsessed with you. You’ve got skills, man.”

Bucky smiled bashfully. “Thanks, Nat. Means a lot coming from you.”

“Really?”

“Really. You know, when I told my sister that the agent who blew up Hydra’s Moscow lair is a woman who works with me she got so excited she basically forced me to befriend you. Just so she could brag.”

“Does she? Brag, it is.”

“All the time.”

“I gotta meet her someday, then.”

They stared out of the window for a few minutes, a comfortable silence between them. They were exhausted but quite satisfied with their work, having destructed one of the very few remaining Hydra bases.The Quinjet was fast, in mere minutes they’d land in New York. Below them the city, known for its liveness, seemed quite peaceful covered in a thick blanket of snow.

“Are you going to do anything about it?”

Bucky was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts. “Huh? ’Bout what?”

“The Steve situation. You know he likes you.” Nat looked him in the eye, smirking. “But don’t tell him I said that. He may look harmless but I know better than to piss him off.”

Bucky looked at her confused and tilted his head. “How do you know he likes me?”

Natasha snorted and took a bite of a candy bar she found somewhere on the Quinjet. “Are you kidding me?Genuinely asking because you’re like one of the smartest people I know, Bucky.” Then she pointed a finger at him. “Don’t let it get to your head but, believe it or not, I really don’t say it that often.”

“I do believe you. And am totally gonna write that down in a diary or something. Or brag about it to Becca. She’s gonna be so jealous!”

“Please do. But seriously though — are you really asking how I know Steve likes you? Have you seen the way he blushed when you spoke to him at the Christmas party?”

“Yeah, he looked so cute.” He saw Nat’s grin. “What? He did! But that doesn’t mean he likes me, it just means he gets flustered easily. Adorable.” He sighed.

“He didn’t wanna go to the Christmas party and was making me help him out of it so I told him you were going to be there. Do you know how quickly he changed his mind? Seconds, медвежонок. Seconds.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. _Oh_.” She crumbled the paper from the now-empty candy bar and put it in her pocket. “But also don’t ever tell him that.”

“But to be fair, you all were pretty excited to see me.” Bucky sent her a sly smirk and winked at her.

“Fair point. But listen, I’ve known Steve for quite some time now and I do know he’ll do anything for you at this point. Yeah, maybe he idolises you a bit but don’t we all? Don’t look at me like that, you asshole!” She punched him in the arm, earning an _ow!_ in return. “You just gotta give him some time to learn you’re a giant dork underneath that badass agent exterior. For me it took only two days.”

They were landing now, the jet lowering gradually. Buildings looked bigger and bigger, snow somehow even thicker than it did two minutes ago.

“Why are people so intimidated by me?!”

“I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, but you’re you. Doesn’t count.”

“True that.”

“I mean, I literally shared my Netflix with this guy just because he looked cute all bundled up in that big red scarf of his.”

“Don’t have to tell me! I have my two own eyes and a few functioning braincells. But please, invite him over soon. He agreed after all, didn’t he? And said it’s a date?”

That had Bucky smiling like a fool. “Yeah, he did.” Hesaid in a dreamy voice. “I better woo him like it’s my job.”

⭐︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎

from: Unknown

Hey, it’s Bucky Barnes. Nat gave me your number,

hope that’s okay. Just wanted to make sure if you’re

still up for our date?

Steve stared at the text way longer than he should have and couldn’t stop smiling as he answered. _Don’t embarrass yourself, you’ve got this._

to: Bucky??!!!!<3<3

~~HEy!! Yes omg i’d love to please !!!~~

_NO no no no no. Start over._

to: Bucky??!!!!<3<3

Hey! Yeah, totally! :)

When are you free?

from: Bucky??!!!!<3<3

Tomorrow at 5 works for you?  
I’ll pick you up like a true gentleman ;))

Steve sent him his address so fast his phone almost froze. He then followed it by:

to: Bucky??!!!!<3<3

Can’t wait to see you!

And when Bucky replied with “Me too <3” and if Steve clutched his phone to his chest giggling like a little schoolgirl, then it was nobody’s business but his own.

⭐︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎

Sharon, despite looking nearly flawless (— her hair could use a little more work)was feeling like she’d been run over by a bus (so tired. Do those hellish neighbours from upstairs ever _not_ have renovations?). She went to the tiny lounge to pour herself a generous amount of coffee and saw Steve standing by the counter, already gulping down his daily espresso. He looked jittery, almost… anxious?

“Hey.” She came to stand next to him and grabbed her mug. “You don’t look as worn out and five-minutes-away-from-quitting-this-job like the rest of us. You okay?”

“That’s not bad, though, is it?” Steve sent her a small smile, still looking more anxious than he has in years.

“Yeah but you somehow radiate even worse energy than us. Are you nervous about something.”

“Well…”

“Is it a James Barnes thing? God I hope it is.”

That had Steve laughing. Yeah, it was. In a weird way, everything in his life suddenly revolved around James Barnes. His Job, his love life and mostly —his thoughts.

“You guessed it, Sharon. It is. It’s Bucky, by the way. He told me to call him Bucky.”

“Why Bucky?”

“No idea, I didn’t have the chance to ask him.”

“Maybe you’ll find out soon. What about him, then? What’s making you so nervous? Pre-wedding jitters?” She looked at him and wiggled her eyebrows. Steve shoved her lightly in the arm.

“Not yet.” He said and winked at her. “You’d know, I mean with you being my maid of honour and all that.”

“I know you’re kidding right now but I hope you’re aware that being your maid of honour is exactly what I’m expecting.”

“I know, ’s why I said that. Wouldn’t want anyone else. Anyway, we’re definitely not discussing my wedding with Bucky any further.”

“Your what?”

Steve groaned. _Amazing_.

“My _nothing_ , Clint. We’re just joking.”

Clint looked at them suspiciously, then sent Steve a knowing smirk while mutteringa “Sure pal” under his nose and headed towards the elevator. Sharon laughed quietly.

“So… why are you so nervous? You didn’t say.”

Steve pulled out a tiny chair and sat on it backwards, leaning his chest on the back of it and laying his chin on his crossed arms.

“I have a date with him tonight. Netflix and chill.”

“Oooh… I see.” She leaned on the counter and took a sip of coffee.

“I just…” He looked at her worriedly. “What if I’m, I don't know, not cool enough? What if he finds me boring? Or even worse, what if I’m a nervous mess and end up stuttering every time he asks me something? Or, oh God, what if he kisses me and thinks I’m a bad kisser?”

“Hold up, hold up my dude. First of all, you’re cool. If you weren’t I wouldn't be friends with you. Yeah, you sometimes talk a lot about nerdy stuff and all but that doesn’t mean you’re boring.”

“I don’t know whether I should be flattered or offended.”

“And—” Sharon continued as if he hadn’t just interrupted her. “You’re cute. He obviously likes you, did you forget he’s the one who asked you out? You don’t need to impress him. He’s already interested.”

Steve smiled at her softly. “Thanks.”

“Besides, it’d be really difficult to impress someone with his record. Dude’s a proper S.H.I.E.L.D legend.”

“Weirdly, this reassured me a bit.”

“Happy to help. Wedding in an Italian village. Or a Greek island! Full-on _Mamma Mia_ style. Think about it.”

_⭐︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎_

Steve wasn’t nervous. He was just prancing around, fixing his hair every five minutes and constantly checking his breath. Bucky was supposed to pick him up in five minutes and he was slowly starting to lose it. He was in the middle of thinking about a worst case scenario where Bucky fakes a family emergency to get away from him when his doorbell rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. He took a shaky breath and opened the door.

“Didn’t wanna come off too strong by giving you a big bouquet of roses so I got you this tiny teddy bear instead. I named him Paul but you can change it.” Steve gently took the bear and clutched it firmly in his palm. Bucky looked… _wow_. The black t-shirt clung tightly to his body, the checkered black and red flannel was unbuttoned and made him look casual but chic. It was his smile that made Steve weak in the knees, though. Bucky had the prettiest smile. So radiant. So warm. God, Steve wasa goner from the very start. He looked at Paul.

“He looks cute. That little bowtie suits him.”

“Right?” Bucky gave him a quick once-over and Steve blushed. _It’s been three minutes and he’s already blushing oh no._ He locked the door and turned to Bucky.

“I don’t live that far away. How ’bout we take a walk? Wait, it’s freezing, maybe that’s not such a good idea. We ca-” Steve touched his arm gently and caressed it.

“I’d love to go for a walk. Really. I love the weather, it’s cold but beautiful.And hey, that scarf could probably help me out even on the North Pole.” Steve sent him a small smile and Bucky’s shoulders let go of the tension he didn’t even know he had.

“Great. By the way, I’m not much of a cook. We can order in? Damn, should’ve probably waited a little longer to say that, here goes my wasted chance at amazing first impression.”

Steve laughed at that. “I don’t think you have to worry about a great first impression. Did you forget we’re all like, starstruck by you? Yesterday I heard once of my co-workers excitedly say that you held the door for her and at least three of her friends sighed dreamily.”

Bucky snorted. “You hunt down Hydra and suddenly you’re the Madonna ofS.H.I.E.L.D.”

“I think it was that combined with the fact that at least half of the office has a big crush on you because of your looks. Just being honest with ya.”

“They do, huh?” Bucky sent him a sly smirk. _Oh no_ , Steve knew what question was coming. “How

’bout you, Stevie? Are you one of them?”

At least Steve didn't have to worry about getting cold in that freezing weather. He was sure his body was producing enough heat fry an egg. He did his best to collet his cool.

“I’m here on a date with you, which I’m sure can answer your question.”

“Smartass.” Bucky muttered and _oh did he just grab his hand?_ Bucky laced their fingers together, (they both forgot their mittens. Dumb dorks.) and they kept walking. Steve’s heart was so happy.

When they finally reached Bucky’s apartment they took off their coats and headed to the kitchen.

“I’m making us hot chocolate and when I’m done you’re telling me how good it is.”

“Damn, if you’re so sure about it being good then it either has to be Gordon Ramsay worthy or someone had lied to you several times.”

“You’ll be feeling so stupid in five minutes for ever questioning my skills. Just wait and see.”

Steve waited, sat at the small table near the kitchen counter and looked at Bucky preparing the chocolate. He looked so…pretty. As he was quietly humming a Sufjan Stevens song and rummaging around the kitchen trying to find marshmallows and whatnot, Steve looked at him and didn’t see the intimidating field guy everyone admired (and maybe had major crush on). He saw a lovely, witty guy he wanted to whisper nice things to, hold his hand, kiss him every morning before work and make him smile at his dumb jokes.

_Fuck._

_Too far?_

“Hey pal, you’re with me?”

Steve shook his head and looked at Bucky apologetically. “Sorry, what?”

“You stare at my ass a little longer and your hot chocolate’s gonna turn into one big popsicle.” Bucky smirked and _god damn it_ Steve could already feel the tips of his ear turn pink.

“I was just thinking.”

“Aw, did it hurt?”

Steve threw him a glare. And threw at him a pillow he’d found laying on a nearby chair. “Jerk. Can’t believe you’ve got the whole bureau so whipped. If they only knew….”

Bucky sat on a chair next to him, put his elbows on the table and rested his face on his palms. He smiled sweetly at Steve.

“Whole bureau including you, of course.”

“With that attitude? Not for long.” It was Steve’s turn to look at him sweetly now. Bucky smiled, this time not smugly. It was a soft smile. Steve’s heart melted. He took a sip of the hot chocolate, decorated with marshmallows and whipped cream.

“You’re tryna give me diabetes?” Then, as the warm liquid finally reached his tastebuds his eyes widened. “On a second note, you absolutely can. You have my full permission to give me all the diabetes. Please.”

Bucky laughed and Steve then decided he wanted to be the one making him laugh for as long as he could. _A goner_.

“Knew you’d like it. Got a feeling you have a sweet tooth, same as me. Want another one?”

Steve nodded eagerly. “I’ll help you prepare.”

It was another chocolate, a pizza and seven _Brooklyn99_ episodes after, when they were comfortably spread on the couch, Steve’s head laying on Bucky’s lap, that Bucky remembered their earlier conversation.

“What were you thinking about? You know, before I very jokingly and totally lovingly insulted your pretty self?”

Steve looked at him and smiled to himself. 

“About…” How does he even phase that without sounding like he’s five seconds away from dropping down on one knee and pulling out a ring? “How you’re not as intimidating as I thought you were.”

“You thought I was intimidating?”

“A little?” He winced at how he sounded. _Way to go, Steve_. “But, like, not in a bad way! Just… to us, regular desk job working folks, and I guess to other field agents as well, you just seem so cool. Like, a few levels above us. Kind of why I was a little starstruck when you approached me at the Christmas party.”

“Like a celebrity?”

“Kind of. But now, you’re not intimidating to me. I mean, I still obviously see you as a cool person who’s better than us all but that’s because I’m getting to know you more and I know I like you, Buck. But you’re not a celebrity to me now, not anymore. You’re just a lovely guy who I’d love to spend some more time with.”

Bucky looked at him shyly, cheeks slightly pink. “Yeah?” he whispered. Their faces were so close, Steve wanted nothing more than to just grab his face and kiss him.

“Yeah.” He answered just as quietly, finally closing the distance.

And if Netflix asked them later if they were still watching — they weren’t.

TRANSLATIONS:

Вот, пожалуйста, медвежонок. — Here you go, bear cub.

Спасибo — Thanks

медвежонок — bear cub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I didn't plan for this fic to have a second chapter but I got too attached to these two dumb dorks and some of you did as well. This one's for you.
> 
> (I absolutely don't know if those translations were correct. I did my best, though. Feel free to correct me!)
> 
> And, as always - tell me your thoughts in the comments! Would love to read them :)
> 
> Have a great 2020 x


	3. Careful

“So I was staring a bit too long...” Steve overheard Rose, one of his co-workers, whispering excitedly two cubicles away from his own.

“And?” Anne prompted. Steve stopped typing, deciding to eavesdrop some more instead. No, he wasn’t close to Rose. Yes, he really was that bored.

“He caught me!” Rose’s cheeks were slightly tinted pink. Anne’s hand flew to her mouth and her eyes widened.

“Shut up! He did not! Rose, did he do anything after he caught you?” Her grip on the used office mug tightened, wide and eager eyes looking up at her friend.

Rose’s smile was smug when she said “Yup. He smirked.” She straightened her skirt, lip caught in-between her teeth. “We had eye contact.”

“For how long???”

“What, does it matter?”

Anne leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms behind her head. So _relaxed_ as if she was sunbathing on a sunny beach in Malibu, not working a 9-hour desk job at S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Of course it does. The longer you hold the eye contact for the more interested the person is.”

_Who’s this “he” they’re talking about?_

Rose’s shoulders slumped a little. “Well, it wasn’t very long. I think maybe like a second or so.”

“Well, that’s still a second more than any of us here have gotten so far!” Annie smiled encouragingly. “After all, James Barnes is almost never at the headquarters, he’s always on those dangerous missions of his.”

_So that’s the “he.”_

_Oh._

“Ugh, I knoooow.” Rose threw her hands in the air exasperatedly. “I just wish he would’ve done something more after that. I mean, I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m interested. Why hasn’t he, I don’t know, asked me for my number or something?”

Steve smirked. He knew exactly why and the hickey on his neck was a good reminder of it. He softly caressed it, just because he could.

He and Bucky hadn’t really announced they were dating, figured there was no need to. But at times like this, when basically every S.H.I.E.L.D employee was swooning over his boyfriend, Steve wished they knew he was taken. Only a true saint wouldn’t get this burning feeling of jealousy if they saw the whole office flirting with their boyfriend. And Steve definitely was no saint. He was one jealous bitch.

He got up from his seat to stretch his legs and went to the tiny common room to make himself a cup of coffee. Sharon was already there.

“How do you manage to look both smug and pissed?”

“Oh just, you know, the whole office flirting with my boyfriend isn’t exactly a pleasant thing.”

Sharon smirked. “I see.” She drank the rest of her coffee in one gulp. Impressive. “Make everyone know who he belongs to, then.”

“But I don’t know hoooow.” Steve whined. “You’re the brains in this friendship. I’m the lovable, excited golden retriever, you’re the-“

“- Old, wise cat. Yeah. I haven’t forgotten. Why can’t I be the retriever? Am I not lovable?”

“You are. But are you excited and energetic?”

Sharon gasped in understanding. “True that. I’m only energetic after three shots minimum.” She sat on the counter, feet dangling. “Speaking of which, what did Bucky tell you about this field agents party he went to last weekend? I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to be at one.”

“You can go to the next one, I’m sure no one would mind. Bet you can out-drink them all anyway.”

Sharon nodded “You’re probably not wrong.”

“And to answer your question, he didn’t say much about that. To be honest, I doubt if he can even remember anything.”

“Was he really that drunk?”

Steve laughed. “You have no idea. He called me at three in the morning to say he loved the little green dot I have in my left eye and that he donated fifty bucks to Wikipedia.”

“Dude was probably almost blackout drunk, then. I’ve never met anyone who donated to Wikipedia.”

Coffee mug in each hand, both Steve and Sharon returned to their cubicles. Not for long, though, as the loud noise of the S.H.I.E.L.D helicarrier made every head in the office turn towards the window.

_Damn. So it must’ve been something serious._

Bucky didn’t want to say what his next mission would be but given that he was their best field agent, Steve had a vague idea. Nothing good. His heart rate sped up as he watched field agents leave the helicarrier, hoping he’d get Bucky back in one piece. He managed to get so attached to him, was too in love to lose him to a dumb mission.

Steve waited anxiously to see the familiar mop of brown hair finally leave the aircraft. He looked at Jim, all battered up, looking more tired than ever. He saw Adam with dust covering his whole face. He was pretty sure his heart was about to give out. Bucky was the last one to leave and Steve had never been more relieved in his life. He sighed loudly, which made a few heads in the officeturn in his direction. He ducked his head down, still looking out of the window. Bucky was wearing his black combat suit, a big rifle strapped to his back and… was that blood under his eyebrow? Yeah, it definitely was. But his expression wasn’t tired. He looked worried.

_Why are you worried is everything okay are you injured please don’t be injured please_

Steve didn’t have time to dwell on it, though. The door to the office opened maybe thirty seconds after Bucky left his sight, only to appear right in front of him. Steve was pretty sure he stopped breathing for a moment. He was vaguely aware of the fact that the whole office was looking at them right now. He didn’t care. Bucky’s arms wrapped around him, holding on so tight his ribs were probably on the verge of cracking. He still didn’t care. As his arms slowly enveloped him back, he heard Bucky shakily exhale into the crook of his neck.

“You okay, Buck?”

“Yeah..” Bucky whispered, arms trembling a little.

“You sure?”  
  
From the corner of his eye Steve could see Rose and Anne watching them, eyes wide in disbelief. The rest of his co-workers were trying to be more subtle, pretending to work but glancing every now and then in their direction. Sharon was standing by the coffee machine, small smirk painted on her face. 

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand and lead them to the common room. He sat on one of the chairs by the small table, Bucky occupying the other one.

“What happened, Buck?”

“We went…” Bucky attempted to smile but it quickly turned into a grimace. He was still holding Steve’s hand, looking at it as he spoke. “We went to check out if there was a HYDRA lair two floors under that one bank you told me about last week. You were right.”

Never in his life had Steve ever wanted to be wrong about something more than at that moment.

“People were held hostage, bank workers. Thirty of them.”

As he continued, Bucky lifted his head, his stormy blue eyes piercing into Steve’s. “We couldn’t save everyone.”

“Buck…”

“We…” His voice cracked, a single tear rolling down his dust-covered face, leaving a clear trace.Steve caressed Bucky’s palm with his thumb. “We tried. We really did. But they shot this one guy, as a warning I guess.” He sniffled a bit, the hard agent demeanour fading. In that moment he was just his sorrowful and anxious boyfriend who desperately needed some comfort. “Then I heard a loud cry and saw a woman rushing to crouch down beside him. Steve, these terrorists could’ve shot her then and there but she just didn’t care!” Steve held on tighter and wiped away the tears that were now slowly cascading down his cheeks. “I saw him dying in her arms, heard her trying to comfort him, heard her saying _I love you_ while sobbing. And I jus.. I just…” Steve hugged him once again, his arms holding the trembling body tightly.” “I couldn’t help but think _what if it was_ …”

“Me?”

“Yes” He whispered.

The quietness in the office was long gone, everyone having finally returned to their job to give them some privacy.

“Look at me, Buck.”He held the brunette’s chin in his hand, making him look up into his baby blues. “I’m okay. I’m safe.”

“But-”

“No buts. I’m here.” He smiled gently. Bucky did, too.

“Yeah, you are.”

Steve leaned down and kissed his forehead, holding his face in both hands. “I know your work exposes you to some... um…difficult situations. And believe me when I say that I’m scared, too.”

“Why?”

“I know you’re the best agent we have. And I know you know it as well. But I’m worried that everyone, including you, keeps collectively forgetting that you’re also human. You can slip just like anyone else. And some things are out of your control no matter how skilled and amazing you are. So I’m worried.”

Bucky leaned to his right and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder. _Suddenly everything felt so calm._

“I’m trying to be careful, you know. Would be a pity if the world lost such a pretty face.”

Steve knew Bucky was joking. But he also knew how true that sentence was. It would be a disaster.

He looked him in the eyes and his breath got caught in his throat. Bucky’s face was smeared with dirt, blood and now also tears. He was a mess. But he was _so_ , _so_ _beautiful_.

“Yeah…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I had this cute idea that turned into angst... whoops?


End file.
